The True Meaning of Hari Raya

Hari Raya is not about pleading for forgiveness from those close to you, it is not about rekindling bonds between family and friends, it is not about appreciating the sacrifices made for you by people closest to you.  Hari Raya is only about one thing… one thing that reinforces the existence of man……Lemang.

No one really cares about anything else except eating the contents of what can only be described as home-made nuclear rods, or some weapon crafted by the Mayan civilisation to inflict mass extermination on the neighbouring tribe.  There is something very appealing about eating food that only barbarians could have created.  Everything about Lemang conjures up notions of power and strength.  Even the cooking process is like lining up surface to air missiles aimed to demolish Moscow- holding it is like holding pipe bombs or a barrel of a chain gun during World War 2.  In fact, you can’t carry Lemang from the stall to your car without scalding off the skin on your forearms or hands because when they deliver it to you straight off the fire- it is delivered to you straight offthe fire.  No one but a well trained commando, seasoned by the Vietnam or Pacific war could purchase Lemang.

Additionally, no one but a navy seal or the leader of the Dohtraki or Klingon race could slice open the Lemang so that people can saviour its glorious contents.  Slicing Lemang requires the strength and precision of a warrior skilled in the use of a blade, a warrior strong enough to withstand shards of bamboo piercing through his skin, flesh wounds on your hands- as that would be an inevitability when one undertakes to slice open the fire breathing bamboo to expose that out of this world glutinous rice contained inside.

Once the warrior has sliced upon Lemang and offers its contents to those around him, its like rewarding your entire army with gold.  The smiles on everyones face, the sight of relief and jubilation after waiting patiently almost an entire year since the last Raya to savour the glory of rice cooked in bamboo klingon style.  That ecstasy and jubilation is what Raya is all about.  It is the only thing Raya is about.  Lemang is king during Raya- even the finest rendang would have to blemish itself into the background, ketupats might as well be fed to the dogs- or cats, since its Raya.  At every Raya dinner or lunch function there will be abundant leftovers of all the other mediocre, inferior foods but Lemang would deplete into extinction, devoured by those who have starved themselves for a whole month-longing for this one day when Lemang is made available.

It is no doubt that Lemang is meant to be made or eaten by those who wish to reinforce their existence as man on earth-as a hint of evilness is injected into every seed of rice.  That evilness is opium or it could be heroin.  It is no question that an addictive drug of that nature has been absorbed into the Lemang to ensure utmost euphoria from those savouring it.  This is obvious because after one afternoon of enjoying Lemang, you will almost certainly pass out due to extreme uncontrollable lethargy for the rest of the day.

Raya is great- only for the reason we get to eat fire breathing home made nuclear rods capable to injecting mass euphoria and subsequent death.